Now

I am still restless. My eyes hurt, and my head is swimming, and my body is begging me to try and sleep...but I just can't.

My mom's aunt...which I guess makes her my great aunt...died Sunday morning. After being in the hospital for two weeks, after being put there by negligent staff at physical therapy. They let her fall. That is NOT supposed to happen, and if anything, they should be sued to the point that the facility has to fucking shut down.

She was perfectly healthy and was trying to build up muscle strength in one foot.

Read that again.

One foot. Just a little weak and was beginning to drag a little, so she went to build it back up in strength. And now she's fucking dead. That is beyond appalling.

The funeral is Wednesday, and I am a pallbearer. I've never done this before, and I don't know if I will again.

I'm nervous as hell. I'm upset at a lot of my family (not parents for once). My mind is just swimming.

Now, here I am. Without you, awake. I need to drink myself out of this week.