Saturday, August 8, 2009


"...up there all the time...all he does now....-incoherent muttering-...and I jump up out of bed at 7:30 in the morning to see..."

It's so lovely when I come upstairs to take some more time to myself to avoid being around them. I check my mail to see if I've heard back from any of the places I've applied to. I'll dick around on the Internet and find games to play, or look at obscure news articles about topics that generally don't pertain to any aspect of my life.

Once in a while I may call you. I'll feel happy, hearing your voice and knowing you're happy to hear from me too.

But because I call at night, or sometimes you might call, I'm the villain. I'm "not right", doing things that are "sick" and they "don't understand".

The reason I'm upstairs right now is because I was going to write down some recipes I found and throw away the ugly promotional cards they came on. I was also going to put on shoes. Instead, I'm writing this now because the quote at the top is the kind of bullshit I hear every single time I go upstairs. It doesn't matter if they know I can hear them, they'll just say it to my face and go on about their day, probably asking me five minutes later what I'd like for dinner. As though assaulting me is just part of the everyday experience now.

I come upstairs and they talk about me, as though I'm some rebellious problem child that is violently out of control. And they wonder why I stay up here? If I'm such a fucking problem, maybe I should stay up here, and get out of their hair. If I hate them so much, if I'm so fucking disrespectful, maybe I should just stay up here, away from them, so I can't be hateful, so I can't act like I "don't owe (them) anything at all".

They have yet to see rebellious. They have yet to see violent, angry, and all the things they act like I'm being.

This is goddamn ridiculous.

I wish i could laugh it off, like you do, but I can't. I'm sad that things are like this, because they simply don't accept how I want to do certain things.

Maybe I can leave soon. Hopefully soon.

Oh look...they're talking about how messy I am now...

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